After seeing the wave of posts on things I'm afraid to tell you I knew the blogging community was taking the turn for the better. For months now, I wanted to share some personal things, but didn't want to come off as someone too scary or too different for the blogging community. This community is just as unique and healthy as it is unhealthy. We see little instagram pictures of each others' daily lives that make us ache for more glamorous and pristine lifestyle. We read about the newly self-gifted Chanel necklaces or Proenza Schouler dresses that leave us coveting everything in each others closets. In reality, when you look at the world on the other side of the laptop, we are real people with real people problems. So I thank everyone who has participated in this series and hope that this movement will make the blogging community more real.
It's hard for me to go to London.
I know I should be excited to be spending some time in London, but to be frank, my heart aches. I have always been unbelievably close to my parents and care for them so much, but almost too much at times. I feel like I am trying to take the role of the protector of the family, when in reality it's not even close to being true. Since I leave in September, this October and next April, my parents will be celebrating their 50th birthdays. Actually, writing this is really hard for me as I am already crying... but I really don't want to be away for these occasions [as I know it is not possible for me to come back to the States for this]. It's that respect and loyalty that I have for my parents that makes it harder and harder everyday to swallow the fact that I won't be around, and it makes it harder for me that they may not celebrate this milestone to the extent that they should. I'm sure I'll do something very special for them, but it's not like giving them a hug, a kiss on the cheek and telling them they've done one hell of a job supporting me.
I'm a neat freak.
Some of you may think that this is a desired trait, but not to the extent that I go. I'm an overly clean person. Always use coasters to prevent rings, sweep and mop everyday, clean the entire place once-a-week, make the bed with crisp sheets every morning, closet organized by color and sleeve length. Sound a bit obsessive to you? Probably. But the worst is that it has tainted a few friendships and relationships in the past. My mother constantly tells me that she was very similar and that the more you let little things like dust and a crumb on the floor get to you, the less you will enjoy your life. It's true. I get extremely snappy and assume everyone is just as clean as me... or worse, I can change them. I am, however, trying to take steps towards embracing the fact that people are all different in their ways.
I have a terrible temper.
If you know me personally, you probably know this or have a vague idea. Since I was younger, I have been in a very competitive environment. Always trying to be better than the other girls, dance competitions, debate tournaments, tennis matches. I can go on with the competitive streaks. I have come to realize that there is a strong correlation between competition and anger. When I find myself in a stalemate situation or a situation that can be rectified by just walking away. I won't take it. I'll strive to reach the end no matter what it takes. Making people cry, ruining a partnership, anything that is bad, really. I get aggravated and frustrated to the point where I can't just step away and breathe, but I feel like I'm forced to do something about it. This is, obviously, not healthy.
It is hard for me to identify myself with Indian people.
I was brought up in a very, very culturally Indian family and, to an extent, religious family. My grandparents lived with us for most of my childhood so I was brought up with tradition. I read, speak and write Gujarati. I cook and enjoy Gujarati food [very different from your normal commercialized Indian food]. I have been trained in classical Indian dancing. Lets just say that I'm more culturally Indian/Gujarati than your normal born and raised in the Western world Indian kid. I do want to meet and marry a Gujarati man because I believe in tradition that was instilled in my head, so my kids can identify themselves and so it is easier to communicate with my family. I, however, find it so hard to identify with Indian people, but more specifically, Indian people my age [in their 20s]. I'm not going to go into very much detail, because it is actually something that sounds too rude to say out loud. I just find that most Indian adolescents my age are too dependent and lack confident because they are attached to a leash by their parents. I will admit, that I have met a handful of Indian men and women [in the real and blogging world] that I find inspiring and I strive to meet their qualities-therefore, I do not speak generally. I just find that the way I act, speak, dress and all my qualities and interests are just very different than most of the Indian people I meet. This is not just a self-conclusion, but I have been told by many people. I just sometimes feel out-of-place in my own skin, and hope this doesn't get in the way of my future plans of meeting the right person and having a family.
People should work their way up.
After sharing this, I'm sure people will judge me, but I'll let you know that I'm working on it. I have been through a situation where I was greatly betrayed. I'm sure most of us can relate to that, but what I have felt from this traumatic situation is anger and confusion [this also goes along with the identification with Indian people]. From that situation, I have found it hard to trust people, let people in, and even meet people. Unfortunately, for my line-of-work it is a good thing to not trust people right off the bat, but in real life it's not a healthy start. When I meet someone, I usually hold them at low regards until they work themselves up. It's a known fact that most people usually provide someone they meet with a [figurative] clean slate. From there, your relationship/friendship writes its own destiny based on experiences. I never give someone a chance, until they prove their loyalty to me. At the time I meet someone, I think it's a good idea for the sake of protecting myself, but I know it's terrible and not something I continue doing.
I think I just broke out a lot of scary things about me, but I will admit that I wanted to share all this for quite some time now. Why? Because I feel like most bloggers I meet are dynamic and versatile [qualities I can relate to and respect]. Therefore, I really hope you take the time to read this and share your thoughts and perhaps how you handle similar situations.
Now onto our party series! Since I've been thinking sweet treats, lavender and tropical with a weekend getaway to Cannes party theme, I thought I would come up with a favor that encompasses all three. Infused sugar. It's delicate and graceful and you can also use it to rim the signature martini! Infused sugars is something of a treat that we don't really do unless we're given a real reason or an opportunity arises. Plus, they make great party favors and yield a lot! You can bottle them up in small glass jars [found at Michaels] and tie them up in some twine or ribbon. They are great for stirring into teas and for everyday cake and pastries recipes. You can do any flavors and combinations, just give it a go. [ps] only 3 more days until my birthday! 
